therustycupboard

  Well I am setting in my truck in a parking lot. Alone, quiet, trying not to even think. I am not mad and not crying ....Just me. Today has been a hard one. Hubby woke up not feeling good. Back hurts, head hurts, dizzy, thinks he is going to faint etc. So he was just resting. Youngest son Jeremy came up with the kids to change batteries in his jeep. Replacing the old one with new. So I went outside with him and so did hubby. Brent got a tool and started helping and I was watching the kids ride their scooters when hubby sets down so I go to help son. I look at Brent and he starts crying and begins to yell. He is not stupid and he's not a dummy. Crying and yelling. I said "what no one says you are one"...that made things worse.....he stands up and throws down his tools and marches around all mad and melting down. If I said anything it got worse. Son says "mom don't take it personally" dad just stop. Brent looks at him and goes up the steps. ...

  We have been blessed with the best kids. Always there for us. Sometimes almost to much. I lean on them for so many things and lately so many decisions. I was told by a family member.. not my kids.. that I lean to hard on them, they have their own families to take care of also. Kinda was a slap in the face thing. Because I know it is true. Today the selling of our home fell through...so have to start all over again. Things are tight out there and money is hard to come by. Yes, I cried. I turned to the kids and said "ok, now what". Then I felt so bad. I laid all of this on them. Hubby has no clue and only smiles when I tell him. So the only thing I can do is "go to the rock".....the song goes... Where do I go? When there's nobody else to turn to Who do I talk to? When nobody wants to listen Who do I lean on? Oh When there is no foundation stable I go to the rock I know he is able, I go to the rock I felt my world is falling apart. So many things to ...

  Thank you for all your prayers. Hubby slept peaceful when he was asleep. He got up about 7 times to use the restroom and then back to bed asleep. I was awake most of the night listening for him. So glad he got some restful sleep. Again, thank you for all your prayers and concerns...You all keep me going. God bless.

  The last few weeks have been going along pretty good. Lots of confusion and hubby not hearing much...he keeps getting real tired. But he has been ok. Night before last we had issues. The problem with Lewy Body is you never know what can set off an issue. Apparently hubby got something off TV, because that night he begins yelling about 2 am...not screaming but yelling. I go to the door of his room. He begins to cry still asleep and then he points a finger at me and starts yelling gibberish...I say "Brent Brent wake up". He finally does and tells me that communists were trying to get to the kids. Had to be from the TV. Last night we were sound asleep and he begins to scream, I hear him throwing his body around hitting the wall the bed shaking and him yelling. To be honest it kinda scared me. I go to the door of his room and say again "Brent wake up. I then turn the light on and say Brent wake up. Trying to do the steps the neurologist tells me to do. He wa...

Today I took hubby to the doctor to have his feet checked. A Podiatrist, because his feet keep swelling. The nurses took hubbies blood pressure and it was 179/90 and both nurses were a little nervous about it...they said "its to high" .I said "it's ok...that is good for him". The doctor was young but very kind. He listened and then said...with your hubbies problems and meds he is taking the least of our worries is a little foot swelling. So we had him do a few things and left. Hubby is resting. I have been waiting for a phone call....I was going to give it until Thursday to see if they were going to call. But impatient me I called them. Good thing I did....the receptionist was so nonchalant...like its no big deal...ok we will set you up for a tour. Just a noncommittal attitude. Me I want to reach through the phone and slap him...'listen buster this is my husband we are talking about ...get with the program"...but instead I hang up and call d...

  Our Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinson disease journey...trapped..october 28th For me, it is the worst feeling to be trapped in a situation not of your choosing......... where you have no idea how bad it will get........ how long it will last ..........and you have the sole responsibility for everything.......... which you have many doubts about whether you are capable of meeting........ . Your whole life is turned upside down ......you begin to question everything you say and do.....even family members question everything you say and do...... This is so very different from other marriage challenges.......... because you are alone in a marriage ...........with a hubby who no longer is capable of even realizing how bad the situation is....but you try and try to do the best that you can.......life.....without the hand of God I could not do this.......

  Well we have moved to a new stage. This stage I think is coming from his book movies which we have had to get off our TV. But for the last week hubby has been visited by Rosanna. This Rosanna wants to learn to drive semi..so Hubby has been helping her. I do not know a Rosanna and don't think I ever have. I have been home and no one has come by but hubby says she has. He will tell you stories about her and him trying to teach her but he has the guys from different jobs and different companies all mixed together and not one story makes since. This is why I have to keep certain programs off the TV he watches them and then thinks they are real. I am working on some plans and I feel guilty about doing it and then I know I have to do it and back and forth. Please help me pray if the Lord wants this to happen he puts all the pieces in place and if not he blocks them. I am torn on this. But things have to change. Thank you for the prayers. My heart is so heavy over all of this ...

  Not sure how much hubby understands at our neurologist appointments. But ever since we have been home he has been having anger issues. One is he likes to watch talk shows. Not bad ones or nasty ones....but ones that are about a senior and his family turns on him and goes after him for his money and he retaliates. Doctor says NO....stop those shows as with his state of mind he may begin to think it is real and all about him. So since being home I have tried and he gets real mad about it....even threw the remote at me and started yelling....daughter is going to figure out how to delete them off our TV. Today I needed to run errands so I ask him to go he says "No I am staying home" so I go but try to hurry back. Finally I talk him into going and he stayed in the car when I ran into Winco. This afternoon daughter calls and says "mom meet me at Hobby Lobby to shop" she is in Nampa and I am here but we facetime and it is fun. So I tell hubby I am leaving for on...

  You know I count on all of you a lot...I figure if I get crazy some of you would kick my butt. I got a call and the person feels that I am in a depression. I thought I had a good day today, hubby helped me clean out the shed take out all Christmas and put in the yard items, mower etc. All the Christmas is on the car port and we are going through it little by little hubby could only help a little as he has arthritis in the back and it hurts him a lot. Yes I do have times where it really gets to me....times when I want to scream...but I go to the Lord in prayer and come on here and ask for prayer....well I guess I need your prayers now. I am so sorry if I made some of you feel that I am in a depression. Not sure how it feels but I had a good day today. I will tell our kids to let me know if they see anything weird in me....they will tell me. But for now I guess I will just go on about working the tubs and let this all go. Thanks for listening...God bless, stay safe, warm and...

  Our Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinson disease journey....october 19th I was given this book by our neurologist. Might be a good one....I am to fill out and work it...

 

  Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers....what a wonderful day to just stop and count our blessings...blessings of family, home and friends. A day to count our blessings...and name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord hath done. Hubby and I are staying home ...grandson Trevin came yesterday and did our yard work and we have been enjoying our backyard. Today we were to be out camping but it did not work out so instead of being sad we will just enjoy being home. We love Mexican so I am ordering take out from El Sombrero for dinner. We went shopping a couple days ago and hubby got me a few pieces of watermelon dishes. A large pitcher and salt and pepper shakers. Of course, I liked them and suggested it, so all is fine. Please enjoy your families...take time to really enjoy them...life is short.... things happen....I know several families who are grieving this day...my heart breaks for them. Our son in law lost his mother on Mother's Day a couple years ago....

 For Christmas we decided to have grandpa give each grandchild that was home a memory hug...since he has dementia and parkinson we don't know how long his memory will be with us.  So each grandchild was given a sweatshirt and we painted Brents hands and arms and he gave each child a hug, which put his hand print on the back of each shirt.     

  Hubby 5 years ago ...strong and healthy...today I asked him how old he was, and he is so proud looks at me and says "I am 78 and will be soon 79: .......nope...he is 73 and will soon be 74 on the 19th of this month....but at least he is happy today no matter what his age is ...counting our blessings...  

  I know this sounds morbid, but I have been doing a lot of research on the Biblical views of cremation vs traditional burial....I have watched tons of videos, listened to lots of ministers.... walked through Biblical studies and I can see good points on both sides....in today's world you are pushed to do cremation as its cheaper, faster, better for environment due to not having to have so many Cemetaries....hubby and I have talked a lot about it...and we both come down to traditional burial for us....we are not against what you choose or how you go about it...but for us....we are just two ole fogies who love the traditional way to do it...simple easy no dramas, dinners, festivities...just family....just getting our priorities in place....

  It's so hard. I know that by now I should be able to handle the emotions of this disease. But it's so hard. We were sound asleep, and I hear these yelling crazy words...then he begins crying saying "please stop". I lay and ask the Lord please help him. It gets quiet and I think it's over then he gets up and walks through the house. I lay and pray, and he goes back to bed. He is asleep now and I am stressed. I am a girl who believes in prayer. But still hubby suffers. I know God can heal but still hubby suffers. I walk the floor asking the Lord already to help us...I know some of you have gone through worse and I am trying not to complain. It's just that it's so hard to watch your hubby change...daily. And you have to just sit and watch. Yes, he lost his temper today. He just yelled at me was all. And yes he was sorry after. I am a hard person to live with I know. But after 51 years you would think we got this. All is quiet here now so I guess I...

  Cleaning out a couple sheds and found Brents three wheel bike....When Brent's dad was in his late 80's early 90's he had a three wheel bicycle that he would ride from Weippe to Pierce and back which is 11 miles up hill...he would go to the pharmacy there and get his meds....he wouldn't let anyone take him he would say "I have all day to do this" and off he would go...many of you remember seeing him and he even made the newspapers.....our son Jon came up with a three wheel bike for his dad for Father's day. in 2018.....he saw a vintage one online and bought it.... hubby was so excited ...reminded him of his dad......yes, I tried it but I forgot the hand brakes and ran into the neighbor's fence......we just love this, and it was so thoughtful of Jon and Sue to get this for their dad...it has brought some good memories back for Brent....no hubby didn't ride it...was hard just getting him on it....

  It's so hard. I know that by now I should be able to handle the emotions of this disease. But it's so hard. We were sound asleep, and I hear these yelling crazy words...then he begins crying saying "please stop". I lay and ask the Lord please help him. It gets quiet and I think it's over then he gets up and walks through the house. I lay and pray, and he goes back to bed. He is asleep now and I am stressed. I am a girl who believes in prayer. But still hubby suffers. I know God can heal but still hubby suffers. I walk the floor asking the Lord already to help us...I know some of you have gone through worse and I am trying not to complain. It's just that it's so hard to watch your hubby change...daily. And you have to just sit and watch. Yes, he lost his temper today. He just yelled at me was all. And yes he was sorry after. I am a hard person to live with I know. But after 51 years you would think we got this. All is quiet here now so I guess I...

  Many of you have been asking ...what were the answers....I will be honest with you, but if you have negative things to say please just move on and don't leave them. Our family has been guessing on a couple problems we thought was wrong with hubby.....but of course it was guesses. We met with the best neurologist ever....very sweet, very knowledgeable, treated us with respect and was so good to hubby.  We were told hubby has Lewy body dementia and Parkinson disease.......he has both.....to medicate one makes the other one go crazy. Plus hubby's surgery for his hernia caused them both to decline. We were given 3 options.....one surgery on his brain to try to slow the process, 2 injections in his eyes and 3 certain types of meds. Now don't go crazy, but we opted out of all of the above.....his prognosis is already declining......so why do something to make it worse when trying to make it better so we are waiting for 4 months when we will return to the neurologist and decide...