therustycupboard

  It's so hard. I know that by now I should be able to handle the emotions of this disease. But it's so hard. We were sound asleep, and I hear these yelling crazy words...then he begins crying saying "please stop". I lay and ask the Lord please help him. It gets quiet and I think it's over then he gets up and walks through the house. I lay and pray, and he goes back to bed. He is asleep now and I am stressed. I am a girl who believes in prayer. But still hubby suffers. I know God can heal but still hubby suffers. I walk the floor asking the Lord already to help us...I know some of you have gone through worse and I am trying not to complain. It's just that it's so hard to watch your hubby change...daily. And you have to just sit and watch. Yes, he lost his temper today. He just yelled at me was all. And yes he was sorry after. I am a hard person to live with I know. But after 51 years you would think we got this. All is quiet here now so I guess I...

  Just an update...will all the prayers and his new meds hubby is doing good. Even back to reading and enjoying some books. Which is a good step. So I am just counting my blessings.

  The hardest part about these diseases is the caregiver never knows when or where the loved one will have a meltdown. Hubby has been real good helping me as much as he can while I have been sick. Things have been going ok and working. Until today...youngest son stops by to bring the kids for school and us to watch until he gets off work. He asked me to go outside and help him so he could talk to me. We stepped outside and I forgot to tell hubby....he comes out all upset....we say we are just checking the fluids in the pickup and you can help out. That's when he exploded....started yelling...the neighbors come out on their deck to see what is going on. Hubby is yelling and almost crying that no one will listen to him. Son says "Dad it's ok...we are done just go inside". Hubby is crying and takes off for the house. Mercy....meltdown...big time....first one of these since he was put on the meds. Son came in and talked to Dad and grandson Gabe sets down and just s...

  What a crazy night. Not about hubby he slept through all of it. Me I felt like I was fighting for my life. I know sounds like a lot of drama but to me it was bad. Bad cough, lots of mucus and my lungs are sore from all the coughing. I finally fall asleep and wake up coughing and then...I could not breathe...it felt like the air was only going through a pinhole to my lungs. I walk through the house trying to breathe. Thinking they are going to find you passed out on the floor. Lord I can't breathe. Just a pin hole of air is getting through. I know waking hubby is not an option. I think cold air will help.. to many locks and alarms on the door. Will be to late. Lord if it's my time to go. Help me. Walking trying to breathe. Moving my arms and body to try to expand my lungs. As I walk and pray slowly I feel a little more air going in. I think I am going to pass out. Keep walking. I know sounds like a lot of drama but this was real. I felt like I was fighting for my life. A...